He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
