High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
