i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
