The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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