easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
