I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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