ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
