Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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