Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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