It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
