I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
