he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
