I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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