Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
