Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
