You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
