spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
