OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
