I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
