Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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