i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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