i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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