Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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