There was a lot of him and a little penis
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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