Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Come on in and take your pants off
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