I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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