You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
