i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
