Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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