I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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