Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
