i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
