I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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