ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
