I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
