The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
