If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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