He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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