Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
