she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
