Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
