The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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