I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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