so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
