so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
