Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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