just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
