The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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