So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
