All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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