Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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