i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
