Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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