for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize