just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
