I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
