He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
