I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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