3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
there was a trapeze. enough said
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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