u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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