he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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