marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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