you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
