TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
two words...techno handjob
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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