May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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