I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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