The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
