At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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